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Digitized  by  tine  Internet  Arciiive 
in  2007  witii  funding  from 
IVlicrosoft  Corporation  ' 


littp://www.archive.org/details/bilioustineperioOOtaylricli 


A  Periodical  of  Knock 


nt^tio:   tov^  One  ifnotber  ana  Knock 


»91W»tf<8W»»i(g9i'ff0i'i 


^J^ 


90i^0m$«mm9m€m 


Planted  whenever  we 
need  the  n\oney  by 
the  Boy  Growf ter$  ott 
Elv^t  Aurora»    Illmois. 

UiiU.J.HJli  .1.  _  Jl-.i.j_iKiij..yijjij.    ■    ■-: .Hi ..■11.11    1^1"         ' 

Single  Copies 
Twenty-five  Cents. 

«r  ^    3    1901     9    ?    3 


NQTB:    Orlfflaally  ptiblished  inih^  OkMH^  Trtbi«ne  <«'A  iiliM^-Type^ff'- 
Two**  colunn,  written  by   Btrt  Lestod  Taylor),  and  now  done  Into    a 
book  and  published  for  the  Boy  arafieri  by  William  8.  Lord,  fivanston, 
.  Illinois.    (Qopyrlght  if oi,  by  Wnilam  3.  Lord.    All  rights  reserved.) 


•,-v 


Hpw^>^^  BilioUstine 

W  as    F^  0u  nd  e  d 


[  From     **^j^    JLffie^o''  ^ypfi^r*  ^4^  *'     of 
^prit  12.] 


m 


E'are  mucji  gratified  to  announce  that  we  have  secured  three 
fots  of  land  at  E^  A»4rora,  Ills.,  and  are  now  negotiating 
for  the  closing  of  ^  alley,  and  upon  this  site  we  shall  insti- 
tute-the  home  pf  the  Bey  Grafters-,  the,  object  of  which  is  to  do 
thhigs -into  ^old  bricks  and  other  articJcs  calculated  to  con  the  com- 
tnunitf,  especially  that  part' of  it  which  is  female  and  literary  and 
adores  speaking  eyes  and  conversational  long  hair,  and  Fra  McGih- 
nis  will  be  in  charge  of  the  -shop.  He  is  voy  long^-hair,  and-  h 
r.he  original  goo-goo  eye  tnan.  '     .  * 

(From  '^A  I^irve-oVTyperi^r-Two''  ©/  Aprii  1>4 

A^We  are  happy  to  report  that  our  negotiations  for  closing  the 
alley  at  East  Aurora,  Ills.,  resulted  satisfactorily,  and  the  work  of 
housing* the  Boy  Grafters  will  begin  at  once.  There  is  an  old  build- 
ing now  on,  the  property,  and  in  this,  temporarily,  the  work  of  the 
Boy  Grafters  will  be  carried  on.  Work"  is  nbw  being  rushed  on  the 
first  number  of  Th\Biliqwtine,  the  magazine  with  which  the 
Boy  Grafters  pronQ-c^'to  con  thqx<»n;'ii^jinityr  Our  first  announce- 
ment has  created'ayistamoufit  or  interest;  ^^  we.  have  received 
many  in(Juiwes%"  t<j\what  so^t  of  person  Fra  ^fcGinnis  is.  He  will 
be  knowR'.by  his  v'Qrks,;  a'nd.ywecan  only  cay  now  that  lie  is  not 
such,  a  fo6l'"as  iie!  "look's.  *^' As  wv  -have  i'lot-  thi  space  to  reproduce 
the  entire  number  of  Thi;  Bilioustine  in  this  column,  we 
shall  hjhrc  to  publish,  it  ti'plge  at  ^  tiijfic, 


.1      I  htf 

E6e  Tribe  of  Knock  6|' 

Otherwise  |  ^Q 

The  Society  of  the  Boy  Grafters      K/f\ 

An  Association  of  Clever  Persons  Who 
Paint,  Pose  and  Pre&n,  for  the  Benefit  of 
Women  That  Adore  Long  Hair  and  Soft 
Eyes.  (Note:  Fra  McGinnis  will  gladly 
send  you  a  lock  of  his  hair  on  suspicion.) 

IRTICLE  xlix. — Address  all  communi- 
cations to  Fra  McGinnis,  Head  Grafter, 
East  Aurora,  Ills.  People  with  the  price 
to  hire  a  hall  can  also  have  the  Fra  for 
preachments.  Anybody  desiring  to 
entertain  the  Fra  socially  is  warned 
that  he  is  not  responsible  for  what  he  may  say  or 
do  for  the  purpose  of  advertising  himself.  Better 
put  him  in  the  stable. 

Very  Special:     On  receipt  of  $So  The  Boy 
Grafters  will  send  you  a  gold  brick,  done  into 
brass  at  their  Philandery, 
•  EAST  AURORA,  ILLINOIS, 

1 

27'8839 


Notice!    ImportSLiit! 


nHE  BOY  GRAFTERS  originally  planned  to  get 
out  647  copies  of  The  Bilioustine,  done  onto 
Watt' ell  hand-laundered  paper,  with  all  the 
other  rub-a-dub-dub  that  has  made  their  work  justly- 
famous;  but  the  orders  have  poured  in  at  such  a  rate 
that  it  has  been  decided  to  do  984  copies,  each  num- 
bered and  autographed  by  Fra  McGinnis,  with  a  por- 
trait of  the  Fra  in  a  Quaker  hat,  as  a  frontispiece. 
The  Fra  has  more  front  than  a  hotel.       IT      ▼       ▼ 


D 


HIS  is  a  strictly  limited  edition,  and  is  designed 
for  circulation  in  and  around  Chicago.  Another 
limited  edition  of  984  copies  will  be  circulated 
in  and  about  Denver;  a  third  in  and  about  Buffalo;  and 
a  fourth  in  and  about  the  Atlantic  States.  This  ex- 
planation is  made  for  the  benefit  of  people  who  do 
not  know  what  a  limited  edition  is.     If     T     ▼     ▼ 


Uneeddc  Bilioustine! 


LITTLE     JOURNEYS 

To  the  Scenes  of  Famous  Explosions 
By  Fra  McGi^inis 

.jT  B  li^  I  JB  ^y^      or      1  9   O  1 

The  Explosion  in  Lake  Michigan. 
The  Explosion  in  the  Chicago  River. 
The  Explosion  of  the  War  Ship  on 
the  Drainage  Canal. 

Each  bound  in  Burlap,  lined  with  wall  paper, 

with  author's  autograph  and  lock  of  his  hair. 

Single  copies,    ....    ;pl3.00. 


Note:    The  Boy  Grafters  will  be  glad  to  do  anybody  on 

suspicion.    Send  for  come-on  literature  done  in  green. 

EAST  AURORA,  ILLINOIS. 

3 


HAIR.!     HAIR! 


I  HE  Boy  Grafters  will  be  pleased  to  send 
a  lock  of  Fra  McGinnis'  Hair  on  sus- 
picion. The  Fra  has  been  saving  his 
cuttings  for  the  past  ten  years,  and  has 
a  barrelful.  Address  Sindbad,  the 
Buzz-saw,  at  the  Philandery,   East  Aurora,  Illinois. 

SPECIAL! 

"^  A  few  choice  handfuls  have  been  done  Sito  sofa 
pillows,  covered  with  Imperial  Chinese  silk,  sdtched 
by  hand,  and  hand-illumined  by  Saint  Bill.  Very 
Boygraftie.      Will  be  sent  on  suspicion,      Y     ▼     ▼ 

VER.Y        SPECIAL! 

^  Persons  desiring  fresh  hair  can  obtain  it  in  limited 
quantities  by  applying  after  each  new  moon,  at  which 
time  Fra  McGinnis  trims  his  locks  in  order  to  stimu- 
late their  growth.         ^         ^         y^         y^         y^ 


Uneed^L  Hatircut! 


THE    BILIOUSTINE 

FAME 
If  you  would  strike  the  road  to  fame 

Just  print  a  lot  of  rot ; 
And  if  you  make  it  strong  enough 

Tou''ll  ivin^  as  like  as  not. 

Side  Wipes  by  the  Tasior  at  His  FtocK* 

TOOK  a  trip  to  Denver  recently 
over  the  P.  D.  &  Q.  railroad, 
the  best  road  in  the  country  (I 
have  an  annual  pass  over  it,)  and 
in  the  smoking  car  I  noticed  a 
wreck  of  a  man,  w^ho  confessed 
^  to  me  that  reading  essays  printed 
on  ordinary  paper  w^ith  ordinary  ink,  and  bound  in 
ordinary  cloth  covers,  had  impaired  his  eyesight  and 
general  health.  "What  you  need,"  said  I,  ''are 
preachments  done  into  English  on  Watt* ell  hand-made 
paper,  bound  in  burlap,  with  hand -painted  initial  let- 
ters, and  a  bas-relief  photogravure  of  myself  done  into 
brown  on  Japan  vellum,  with  a  backing  of  limp  calf." 
**Who  are  you?"  asked  the  man,  grasping  my  hand 
as  a  shipwrecked  mariner  grasps  a  tomato  crate.      *'I 


THE  am   Fra   McGinnis  of  the   Boy  Grafters/'  I  replied, 
BILIOUS-  removing  my  sombrero  and  permitting  my  hair  to  fall 
TINE  about  my  Florentine  shoulders. 

y  "Fra  McGinnis,"  repeated  the  man,  "it  seemi  to 
me  I  have  heard  of  you.     You  publish — **  Y 

^  ''My  dear  sir,*'  I  interrupted,  "the  Boy  Grafters 
'publish'  nothing;  they  do  it  into  English."  y 
y  "Isn't  your  printing  shop  at  East  Aurora,  Ills.?" 
y  '*We  have  no  'printing  shop,'  ''  I  corrected.  "We 
have  a  Philandery,  in  which  we  do  things  on  Watt*cll 
hand -laundered  paper.  Let  me  do  you  on  suspicion." 
Saying  which  I  opened  my  sample  case  and  exhibited 
a  few  lovely  things  stitched,  by  hand  with  silk.  The 
man  pawed  them  over  in  trembling  delight.  "Ah!" 
he  cried,  "this  is  what  I  have  always  yearned  for!" 
Ten  minutes  later  I  had  his  order  for  Tom  Hood's 
"Song  of  the  Shirt,"  done  on  imported  Madras,  with 
a  narrow  blue  stripe,  photogravure  of  Fra  McGinnis 
for  a  tailpiece,  and  illuminated  silhouette  of  Sindbad 
the  Buzz-saw,  for  a  frontispiece;  size  I5J^;  price 
;gi5oadozen.  y  ▼  T         ▼ 

THE  BOY  GRAFTERS  will  he  glad  to  send  a  bust  of  Fra 
McGinnis  on  suspicion.  Something  very  tender ^  very  precious. 
Modeled  in  mud  by  Siribad.    Price^  $33;  cheaper  in  dozen  lots, 

6 


■SBB^BBBB 


S  I  was  standing  5n   the  alley   beside  the  THE 

Philandery   the   other    day,    thinking  up  BILIOUS- 

something  particularly  vulgar  for  the  next  TINE 
number,  a  man  approached  me  with  be- 


fitting  reverence.  "Is  this  Fra  McGinnis?''  he 
asked.  "Can't  you  tell  by  my  hair?"  said  I.  "I 
am  a  reformed  barkeeper,"  said  the  man,  "and  I 
would  like  some  work  that  will  take  my  mind  off 
bottles  and  kegs."  «*Were  you  a  good  hand  at  doing 
liquors  into  cocktails?"  I  asked.  "My  customers 
said  so,"  he  replied,  modestly.  '*Very  well,  I'll 
put  you  in  charge  of  the  mud-mixing  department," 
said  I.  "Go  into  the  Philandery  and  tell  Sindbad  to 
do  you  into  a  saint." 

▼  Saint  Malone  is  now  in  charge  of  the  Boy  Grafters' 
Sculpture  department.  He  has  recently  done  a  bust 
of  myself  into  mud  that  I  will  gladly  send  to  the  elect 
on  suspicion.     Write  for  come-on  circulars. 


VERY  SPECIAL;  ''Smoking  Car  St<yrie8,"  being  a  collecticm 
of  yams  spun  to  Fra  McGinnis  by  Boccaccio  Kennedy  of  Min- 
neapolis^ with  others  of  the  Fra* a  own  devising.  Very  rank  and 
risky. 


THE 
BILIOUS- 
TINE 


m 


EAR  little  Playmate  in  the  Forest  of  Ardcn, 
take  my  word  for  it  —  motley's  the  only 
wear.      What   tho'   the  judicious   grieve? 
The  unskillful  laugh  and  applaud;  and  the 
unskillful  pay  the  freight.  ^         ▼ 

y^  Always  play  ragtime  with  your  foot  on  the  loud 
pedal.  Y 

^  That  is  an  epigram.  Playmate.  I  turn  them  fre- 
quently and  without  exertion;  and  usually  I  do  them 
into  separate  paragraphs.  ▼         ▼         ▼ 

Personally,  Playmate,  I  do  not  fancy  motley  for  rai- 
ment. I  should  prefer  a  suit  of  sober  cut  and  color. 
For  I  am  by  nature  serious,  as  is  every  thinking  being. 
But  prithee.  Playmate,  were  I  to  appear  serious, 
where  would  I  get  oiF?  Not  having  an  epigram  handy, 
I  will  continue:  y  Y 

y^  Motley's  the  only  wear,  in  Arden  or  out.  The 
reason,  playmate,  that  I  am  handing  you  this  little  talk 
is  that  I  do  not  wish  you  to  think  that  I  am  as  big  a 
fool  as  I  pretend  to  be.  ^ 


CONFESSIONAL 
Am  I  alone 

And  unobserved?     I  am. 
Then  let  me  own 
I  am  an  esthetic  sham. 

—Saint  Bunthome, 


S 


Things  are  seldom  what  they  seem ;  THE 

Skim-milk  masquerades  as  cream.  _j__  j^j  jq 

Fads,  Playmate,  are  usually  expensive  for  their  possess-  *5lJ^l^Uo- 

ors.     I  am  one  of  the  Rare  Ones  that  have  made  •'■"^•'^ 
money  out  of  their  fads.     Keep  this  to  yourself.  Play- 
mate.    I  wouldn't  have  it  get  abroad  for  the  world. 

IBB^SL.  ▼      ▼      ▼ 

nr^E^nEAR  little  Playmate  in  the  Star  Garden  of 

H  ^B  il  the  Universe:     What's  the  use? 
H  ^mM^  Vlt's  hot,  and  dusty,  and  the  electric  fan 
iBBSflJ^H  is  all  run  down,  and  I  repeat — for  repeti- 
tion is  the  keynote  of  the  Universe — What's  the  use? 

▼  You  observe  I  use  capitals  freely.  They  don't 
cost  any  more,  and  they  look  better  in  Antique  Black 
Face. 

▼  Take  my  word  for  it.  Dear  Playmate — or  not, 
just  as  you  please — we  are  all  players  with  Star  Dust. 
Some  of  us  get  more  dust  than  others;  that  is  all  the 
difference.  I  am  rapidly  acquiring  dust  enough  to 
build  a  planet  of  responsible  size  because  I  know  how 

ENNUI 
I  wish  I  were  a  resident 
Of  Mercury  or  Mars ; 
For  then  I  wouldn't  care  a  hoot 
About  the  Earth^s  Affairs, 

—Era  McQinnis. 


THE  to  advertise.     Take  my  word  for  it.  Playmate —  as  I 
BILIOUS-   remarked  before — you  must  advertise  these  days. 

TINE  ▼  Once  upon  a  time — a  long,  long  time  ago — wise 
men  with  messages  of  importance  to  the  world  deliv- 
ered them  simply,  and  were  content  with  the  deliver- 
ance. Now  a  man  must  get  a  Kickapoo  medicine 
makeup  and  pose  all  the  long,  long  day  in  order  to 
gain  the  ear  and  eye  of  the  world. 
▼  But  take  my  word  for  it,  Dear  Playmate — or  go 
to  thunder — we  are  all  variety  performers  on  the  roof 
garden  of  the  world.  Some  of  us  are  headliners; 
some  do  thinking  parts.     I  know,  because  I  am 

Fra  McGinnis. 

▼      ▼      ▼ 

LiUte  Li-Oer  TilU 

T  is  extremely  difficult   to   be   entertaining 

and  clean  at  the  same  time,  especially  on 

ordinary  paper  and  in  ordinary  ink. 

▼  Think  of  a  life  without   Japan   vellum ! 

Imagine   an   existence   void   of  Watt' ell  hand-made 

paper  and  antique  black  face !       Yet  millions  of  our 


NO  NUMBER    OF    THE    BILIOUSTINE    WILL    BE    RE- 
PRINTED. 


10 


fellow- beings  never  know  the  joys  of  a  de  luxe  life.    THE 

▼  Fra  McGinnis  is  preparing    a   preachment,    which  BILIOUS- 
he  will  shortly  do  into  hot  air  in  Chicago.       It  is  en-  XINE 
titled,     ''The  Gentle  Art  of  Making  an  Ass  of  One's 

Self." 

▼  Next  to  boiling  an  egg  there  is  nothing  easier  to  do 
than  an  epigram.  Just  take  a  pertinent  saying  by 
some  dead  genius  and  turn  it  inside  out. 

▼  The  Boy  Grafters  have  done  a  few  bas  reliefs  of 
Fra  McGinnis  in  chewing  gum,  which  they  will  be 
glad  to  send  to  the  female  elect  on  suspicion. 

▼  Every  subscriber  to  The  Bilioustine  is  entitled  to  a 
can  of  Love  Vibrations.  If  you  don't  get  it,  make  a 
holler. 

▼  Work  on  the  next  number  of  The  Bilioustine  is 
now  progressing  at  the  Philandery.  Saint  McPherson 
is  designing  a  cover  that  for  artistic  effect  has  never 
been  equaled. 

▼  The  editions  of  the  Fra's  "Little  Journeys  to  the 
Scenes  of  Famous  Explosions"  are  already  exhausted. 
A  fresh  batch  will  soon  be  put  in  the  oven. 


u 


THE 
BILIOUS- 
TINE 


D 


THE  PALE-BLUE  ASS 
I  never  saw  a  pale-blue  ass— 

Fve  always  wished  to  see  one. 
Meanwhile  I  do  my  level  best 

Endeavoring  to  be  one. 

— Era  McGinnis. 

Mr.  l>ubbe  Sees  Kra  McGinnts 

WENT  to  East  Aurora,  111. ,  yesterday  to 
see  Fra  McGinnis,  and  I  confess  that  I 
carried  a  strong  prejudice  with  me.  I  had 
regarded  the  Fra  as  a  species  of  literary 
rendering  works,  which  ought  to  be  abated  as  a  com- 
mon nuisance.  The  questions  that  I  desire  to  settle 
were.  Is  the  man  sincere?  Does  he  believe  in  hu- 
manity ?  A  rendering  works  may  be  sincere,  and  I 
can  conceive  the  possibility  of  a  soap  factory  believing 
in  humanity.  The  Fra,  I  reflected,  for  all  his  gro- 
tesqueness,  all  his  vulgarity — may  be  a  sincere  believer 
in  the  human  race  and  desirous  of  bettering  its  low 
estate. 

▼  I  found  the  Fra  in  the  alley  that  skirts  the  Philan- 
dery,  standing  in  a  negligee  attitude,  with  a  far-away 
expression  in  his  eyes.  I  waited  till  he  had  complet- 
ed his  pose,  and  then  introduced  myself. 

▼  "Let  us  go  into  the  Philandery,"  said  he,  "and 
do  a  few  thoughts  into  conversation.'* 


▼  *'Is  there/*  I  required,  * 'any  place  near  by  where  THE 

one   can   do   a    Jamaica  ginger  highball  into  renewed  BILIOUS- 
interestinlife?"  TINE 

▼  Fra  McGinnis  smiled — one  of  those  benedictory 
smiles  for  which  he  is  justly  celebrated — and  led  the 
way  to  a  neighboring  highballery. 

▼  After  we  had  done  a  clove  into  a  breath  from  the 
Molucca  Isles,  we  repaired  to  the  Philandcry,  and, 
piloted  by  the  Fra,  I  inspected  each  stage  of  the 
game.  T  ▼  T  ▼ 

▼  **How  happy  the  Boy  Grafters  look,'*  I  remark- 
ed.        ▼  T  ▼  T 

▼  "Why  not?''  said  the  Fra.  "They  get  17  cents  a 
day,  and  all  the  work  they  can  lug.  The  Philan- 
dery  is  for  the  Boy  Grafters.  They  have  nothing  to 
do  but  work.  Work  is  for  all.  Work  is  Beauty, 
and  Beauty  is  Work.  Ars  longa,  vita  brevis !  That 
reminds  me  of  a  story  I  heard  in  Minneapolis,  about 
the  drummer  and — ' '  ▼  ▼ 

▼  Here  Fra  McGinnis  did  a  small  fertilizer,  and 
laughed  immoderately  when  he  had  finished.  "Do 
you  know,"  said  he,  "I  once  knew  a  man  in  a  small 
New  York  town,  who  had  no  liking  at  all  for  such 
merry  tales.        He   used    to  say    that,    whereas    the 

18 


THE  average  man  would  tell  a  risky  yarn  of  that  nature,  he 

BILIOUS-   usually    gave   it    an  apologetic  preface,  and  finished  it 

TINE  shamefacedly.      And  yet  this  man    vi^as    the    meanest 

curmudgeon    in    the    township.       He  was  a  terror  to 

the  widow  and  the  orphan,    and    kicked    every    stray 

dog  that  got  in  his  way. '  *  ▼         ▼         ▼ 

▼  ''From  which  you  argue?'*  said  I  inquiringly.   ▼ 

▼  "That  the  relating,  or  the  printing,  of  ofFcolor 
jests  or  stories  is  not  so  much  a  matter  of  common 
decency  as  of  business  cleverness  in  doing  one's  self 
into  a  topic  for  town  talk. "  ▼  ▼ 

▼  This  was  said  with  such  an  air  of  convincingosity 
that  I  was  constrained  to  accept  it  as  Truth.        ▼ 

▼  Fra  McGinnis,  finding  me  a  good  listener,  en- 
chanted mine  ear  for  an  hour  or  more,  and  little  by 
little  I  fell  under  the  spell  of  his  fathomless  eyes.  Fra 
McGinnis,  to  sum  him  up,  believes  in  himself,  be- 
cause he  knows  himself.  I  should  say  there  was  a 
touch  of  poetic  bughouse  about  him,  with,  say,  a  jig- 
ger of  mysticism  and  a  dash  of  genius.  When  he 
talks  you  feel  as  if  some  one  were  going  through 
your  pockets.  When  he  opens  his  mouth  you  feel 
instinctively  that  he  is  not  going  to  put  his  foot  in  it — 
and  you  never  know  why.  T         ▼         ▼ 

li 


y  I  came  away  perfectly  satisfied.      Fra  McGinnis  is  THE 

sincere,  and  he  believes  in  humanity.  Y  ▼  BILIOUS- 

y  He  believes  it  can  be  worked.  y  ^  TINE 

Criticus  Flub-Dubbe. 

▼      ▼      ▼ 

POSE 
You  hold  yourself  like  this  [attitude]^ 

You  hold  yourself  like  that  [^attitude] ; 
And  say  or  write  some  thing  thafs  quite 
Indecorous  or  flat. 

—Fra  McGinnis, 

T     T     ▼ 

Little  Journeys  to  the  Hornet  of 
Famous  ^oser^ 

[Aa  written  by  Poeta  Pants^  the  initial  letter  being  designed  by 
Saint  Clarence^  and  the  whole  done  into  a  good  job  by  the  Boy 
Grafters^  at  their  Philandery^  which  is  in  East  Aurora^  Illinois^ 
U.  S,  -4.,  in  the  month  of  May ^  in  the  year  MCMI,  A.  2).] 

DON'T  care  what  the  men,  who  are  jealous, 
say  about  Fra  McGinnis;  I  think  he  is  just  lovely; 
and  his  poses  are  poetry  itself.  I  had  just  the  nicest 
time  on  my  trip  to  East  Aurora.  Fra  McGinnis  was 
amiability  personified,  and,  besides  his  usual  poses,  he 
did  a  number  of  new  ones  for  my  special  benefit.  *'I 
am   rehearsing  these   for  my  next  Preachment,*'  he 

15 


D 


THE  said.      '*How  do  you  like  this?"     And  snifting  to  his 
BILIOUS-  other  limb,  he  melted — I  can  think  of  no  other  word — 
TINE  i°^o  t^^  sweetest  attitude  imaginable.  ^         ▼ 

Y  *'Let  us  talk  about  Art,"  said  the  Fra.  *'By  all 
means,"  said  I;  '*I  am  awfully  fond  of  Art.  I  think 
it's  just  fine."  ▼  ▼  ▼ 

Y  '*Art,"  said  the  Fra,  dreamily,  *'is  hot  stuff."  As 
he  said  this  he  fixed  his  sad,  solemn  gaze  upon  me  and 
kept  it  there  till  I  began  to  get  creepy.  Did  you  ever 
notice  a  carette  horse  looking  at  your  straw  hat  ?  It 
was  just  such  a  sad,  yearning  expression.  ^ 

^  <'Art,"  resumed  Fra  McGinnis,  '^should  be  pur- 
sued for  its  own  sake.  Unfortunately  it  is  infrequently 
remunerative  when  so  pursued.  The  World's  eye 
and  ear  must  be  attracted.  How  to  do  it?  Ah,  that's 
the  question.  Now  I  pose.  It's  a  good  game;  but 
it's  tedious,  very  cloying."  ^ 

^  '*Then,  why  do  you  do  it?* '  I  asked  sympathetically. 


YEARNING 
Whenever  the  pesky  Summer  Fly 

My  classic  Brow  assails^ 
I  wish  that  I  could  swish  my  Hair 
Like  horses  swish  their  tails. 

—Fra  McGinnis. 

16 


^  re  Why, '  *  said  the  Fra,  with  just  the  loveliest  shrug,   THE 
"one  must  live."  ^  Y  BILIOUS- 

^  "Must  one?''   I  exclaimed  impulsively.      "Some-  TINE 
times  I  wonder  in  my  artless,  idiotic  way,  whether 
one  really  must  live."  ▼  ▼  T 

^  ''Dear  little  playmate  on  Evolution's  Outer  Rim," 
said  the  Fra,  taking  both  my  hands,  "believe  me,  one 
really  must  live.  It  is  a  law  of  our  nature.  The  hap- 
piest are  those  that,  like  Schopenhauer,  see  the  neces- 
sity of  things  and  stop  kicking.  You  remember  what 
he  says  in  *Die  Welt  als  Wille  und  Vorstellung'  ?'  * 
^  "No,"  said  I,  "I  have  r^ad  only  his  essay  on 
Woman  and  I  think  that's  just  horrid."  ^ 

^  "He  was  a  great  man,"  said  the  Fra,  musingly, 
* 'Sometimes  I  think  he  was  as  great  a  man  as  I.  Like 
myself,  he  voiced  a  New  Thought.  But  my  hair  is 
longer,  and  I  can  tell  fiinhy  stories  all  'round  him.'* 
^  At  this  point  I  trembled,  fearing  that  Fra  McGinnis 
would  do  a  naughty  story  into  fertilizer.  But  he  didn't, 
and  I  breathed  easier.  He  released  my  hands  and 
rose,  sighing  heavily.  The  interview  w^as  ended.  I 
had  already  consumed  four  minutes  of  his  valuable 
time.  ▼  T  ▼ 

Y  Before    I  departed  the  Fra  gave  me  a  can  of  his 

17 


THE  Love  Vibrations  and  showed  me  how  to  open  it.  *'You 
BILIOUS-   put  this  little  ear  of  tin  thru  the  slit  in  the  key,  then 
TINE  turn  the  key  round  and  round  till  the  lid  comes  off.  " 
^  "Why,  it's  just  like  sardines,**  I  said.  ^ 

Y  *'Yes,**  said  the  Fra,  dreamily;  "little  fishes  done 
in  oil;  little  love  vibrations  done  in  ether.    Farewell.'* 

Y  "O,  I  almost  forgot**,  I  cried.  "Won't  you  give 
me  a  lock  of  your  hair  ?  *  *  ^  Y 

^  **With  pleasure,"  he  answered,  shearing  off  a 
small  Hyperion  curl.  "I  have  hair  to  singe.  Again 
farewell!**  ^  Poeta  Pants. 


And  here  concludeth  the  Little  Journey ^  as  written  by  Poeta 
Pants,  the  Tailpiece  being  designed  by  Saint  Archibaldrandthe 
whole  stuck  together  in  elegant  shape  by  the  Boy  Grafters^  at 
their  Philandery^  which  is  in  East  Aurora^  Illinois^  which  is  in 
the  United  States^  in  the  Month  of  May  and  the  Year  MCMI.^ 
A.D. 


APPRECIATION 
Occasionally,  when  I  pose, 

I  thinks  in  secret  pride 
"J'K  bet  I'd  make  a  Statiie  grand 

If  I  were  petrified. 


—Fra  McGinnis, 
18 


ADMONITORY  THE 

Speak  gently  to  the  naughty  Fra,  t>tt  J(\i  tc 

And  beat  him  when  he  sneezes.  xjll^lKJsJO' 

He  only  does  it  to  annoy ^  1  jJME 

And  'cause  he  knows  it  teases. 


Knieriainin^  JTra  McCinnU 

As  written  by  Sindbad  the  Buzz-saw^  the  initial  letter  being 
designed  by  Saint  Sally  of  the  Philandery  Alley ^  and  the 
whole  done  into  ten-point  Caslon  Old  Style  by  Harry  the  Hand- 
setter  ^  honest  Boy  Grafter, 

DHA VE  just  returned  from  a  Preachment  Peram- 
bulation—in vulgar  parlance,  a  lecture  tour — 
with  Fra  McGinnis,  from  which  we  raised  enough 
money  to  repaint  the  Philandery  and  shingle  the  L. 
yf  The  Fra  made  the  biggest  hit  at  Duluth,  where 
there  is  a  regular  epidemic  of  culture.  After  the  usual 
hot  air  at  the  opera-house,  Mrs.  Camp-Cook,  the 
society  leader,  asked  Fra  McGinnis  if  she  might  have 
the  honor  of  entertaining  him.  ^ 

^'*I  always  charge  ^25  extra  when  I  am  entertained,  * ' 
said  the  Fra,  coldly.  ▼  ▼  T 

^  **How  original,**  gurgled  Mrs.  Camp-Cook,  *'I 
shall  be  happy  to  pay  it.  *  *  y^  ^ 

^  "In  advance,'*  added  the  Fra.    Mrs.  Camp-Cook 
19 


THE  counted  out  the  money  into  my  hands,  and  we  re- 
BBLIOUS-  paired  to  her  residence  on  East  Superior  street,  where 
TINE  we  found  si  large  company  of  society  people,  who  had 
gathered  in  the  expectation  that  Fra  McGinnis  would 
scintillate  for  their  benefit.  Evidently  they  did  not 
know  him.  When  the  company  had  gathered  in  the 
drawing  room,  Fra  McGinnis  entered  and  took  a  seat 
in  the  middle  of  the  room.  He  kept  on  his  large 
Quaker  hat,  as  is  his  custom,  and,  adjusting  a  de  luxe 
attitude,  with  his  chin  propped  by  his  club-cane,  he 
stared  pensively  at  the  corner  of  an  oil  painting.  Every- 
body voted  the  pose  charming,  but  at  the  end  of 
half  an  hour,  during  which  time  the  Fra  said  nothing, 
Mrs.  Camp- Cook  began  to  get  uneasy.  ^ 
y^  Finally  the  Fra  rose,  with  a  gesture  of  weariness, 
and  addressed  the  hostess,  ▼  ▼  ▼ 

^  "Damme  Laura, '*  said  he,  (the  Fra  always  uses 
the  first  name  of  a  woman  when  speaking  to  her,) 
*'damme,  Laura,  if  your  promised  entertainment  is 
not  speedily  forthcoming,  I  shall  go  to  bed." 
^  A  murmur  of  admiration  went  around  the  room. 
**Isn't  he  original !"  "I  do  love  eccentric  people  !" 
"Charming  ! ' '  '^That's  the  New  Thought ! "  y 
^  Mrs.  Camp- Cook  took  advantage  of  the  diversion 


to  spring  her  refreshments  on  the  crowd;  but  Fra  Mc-   THE 

Ginnis  balked  when  the  sandwiches  reached  him.  BDLIOUS- 

If  **I  always  charge  ten  dollars  extra  when   I   cat,"    TINE 

he  said.  T         ▼         ▼ 

^  ^'Pm  sorry/*  said  Mrs.  Cook- Camp,  in  a  flurried 

whisper,    **Pm  all  out  of  change.    Won^t  to-morrow 

do?"        TV  T 

^  **In  advance,*'  said  the  Fra,  coldly. 

▼  One  of  Mrs.  Camp-Cook's  friends  came  to  her 
rescue  by  passing  the  hat  and  collecting  ten  dollars; 
and  Fra  McGinnis  condescended  to  bury  a  cheese 
sandwich  and  a  bottle  of  beer.  Then  he  relapsed 
into  his  de  luxe  attitude,  and  another  long  silence  fell. 

▼  When  the  guests  finally  exhibited  symptoms  of  de- 
parting the  hostess  rose  and  addressed  the  Fra.      ▼ 

▼  * 'Perhaps,"  said  she,  *'you  would  like  to  retire." 
▼ ''Excepting  Minneapolis,"  he  replied,,   "there   is 
no  place  I  would  rather  go  to  than  to  bed."       ▼ 

▼  After  an  eiFusion  of  admiration  from  the  departing 
guests,  the  Fra  stalked  to  his  bed-chamber,  and  shortly 
afterward  there  was  a  deuce  of  a  commotion,  climax- 
ing in  a  crash.  It  developed  that  Mrs.  Camp-Cook 
had  sent  a  maid  servant  several  times  to  the  Fra's 
room  to  make  certain  that  he  lacked  for  nothing,    and 


THE  that  Fra,   losing  patience,  had  thrown  the  maid  down 
BILIOUS-  stairs.     Above  her  wails  could  be  heard  the  voice  of 
TINE  the  Fra,  in  sonorous  deprecation:      ▼  ▼ 

▼  **Damme,  Laura,  I  want  to  be  let  alone!"  ▼ 

▼  Fortunately  the  maid  was  not  much   hurt,    except 
in  her  dignity,  and  the  incident  passed.  ▼ 

SiNDBAD    THE  BuZZ-SaW. 

1^  !■  II    II    ■  IP  11  1   1  m -mt  fWKfw^'mr^K'mgm 


Mere  endeth  the  entertaining  chronicle  by  Sindbad  the  Buzz- 
saw^  the  tailpiece  being  designed  by  Saint  Susie  the  Illuminator; 
the  text  done  into  ten-point  Caslon  Old  Style  by  Harry  the  Hand- 
setter^  Honest  Boy  Grafter;  the  proof  pulled  by  the  Black  One; 
and  the  same  read  by  Larry  the  Lynx-Eyed^  who  was  duly  and 
properly  cussed  by  Fra  McGinnis  for  several  inaccuries;  and 
the  border  being  ingeniously  devised  by  Daniel  the  Foreman, 
who  inverted  two  lines- o-type  fished  from  the  hell-box  ;—all  these 
truly  remarkable  happenings  happening  to  happen  at  the 
Philanderyt  which  is  in  Ea$t  Aurora^  Ilia, 

22 


FreL  McGinnls*  Lectures 

nDID  a  few  preachments  into  stained  glass  attitudes 
and  chants  the  past  week,  and  was  highly  spoken 
of  by  the  following  representative  papers  of  the 
United  States: 

To  tun  T a  IK. 
Fra  McGinnis,  Head  Philanderer  in  the  Boy  Grafters* 
Philandery  at  East  Aurora,  111.,  spoke  at  the  Town  Hall 
last  night  to  an  audience  that  filled  the  hall  and  overflowed 
the  street  clear  to  the  hay  scales.  To-day  he  is  town  talk 
and  Pastor  Smith  is  going  to  preach  about  him  next  Sab- 
bath.— Kankakee  [111.]  Kohinoor. 

He    'B  e  t  i  en)  e^    in    Humanity 

All  the  women  turned  out  to  hear  Fra  McGinnis  at 
the  opera  house  last  night.  The  men  don't  seem  to  take 
no  stock  in  him,  but  the  women  say  he  is  just  lovely. 
The  Fra  is  a  queer  looking  guy  from  East  Aurora,  Ills., 
who  says  he  believes  in  humanity. — Tadville  [111.]  Tat- 
tler. 

He    TaKe^    'Km    In 

A  lady  who  went  to  hear  Fra  McGinnis  at  the  town 
hall  last  night  said  today:  **You  go  to  him  —  you  have 
to — and  he  takes  you  in.''  The  Fra  took  in  ^40.00. — 
Bannertown  [111.]  Bazoo. 

THIS  COPY  OF  THB  BII.IOUSTINE  IS  NOT  COMPLETE 
WITHOUT  A  CAN  OF  I^OVE)  VIBRATIONS.  IF  SHY,  ASK 
YOUR  NEWSBKAI^KR. 


Being  six  essays  by  Fra  Mc- 
Ginnis,  done  into  prunes  at 
the  Boy  Grafters'  Prunery 
(otherwise  Philandery),  at  East 
Aurora,  Illinois. 


"The  Limp  Calf— A  Pastoral/' 
"The  Crush  at  Levant." 
"Imperial  Japan." 
"A  Few  Sniggers." 
"Why  Get  a  Haircut  ?" 
"Extracts  from  Tristram  Shandy." 


THESE  are  not  ordinary  boarding  house  prunes, 
but  large,  de  luxe  prunes,  hand-picked,  hand- 
tooled,  and  hand-packed.  Very  Boygraftie.  Nine 
hundred  and  eighty-four  of  them  have  been 
prepared  for  the  elect,  and  will  be  sent  on 
suspicion.  Photogravure  of  the  gifted  Fra,  done 
on  fine  cambric,  upon  each  box. 
Uneeda  prune. 

24 


Offers  for  the  Sfitison  of  1901-1^02 
Fra  McGinnis  of  the  Boy  Gmfters 

JTor  a  JTctif  Choice  "Preachment's • 


SUBJECTS: 
The  Boy  Grafters  and  Their  Work. 
What  I  Know  About  t^  Absolute. 
Little  Journeys  to  the  Stock- Yards. 
The  Vellum  Game.  •    '     ' 


'^State   which    make-up    the    Fra    is  desired    in-,    and 
which  collection  pf  attitudes  is  preferred.    ^ 

'^Notice  TO  Clx^bs:     Social,  organizations  desiring  to 

entertain  the  Fra  are  requested  to  furnish  to  hia*   com- 

.  piete  lists  of  their  members,  as^he  Fra  makes  a  practice 

of  sending  to  them  packages  of  his  books  on  suspicion. 


\/needa  Treachmeni. 


A  PertadtofcLof  Knock 


M 


% 


KnocK^  and  the  louorld  l^ocKj^  ^^^  youz 
'Boo^i^  and  ycu  boost  c^one»        '^^ 

intdiprint  when- 

efed  themoh* 

Boy  Grafters 

Aurora*  Illinois 


^*  ^»  ^  1901  ?y^  ^*  ^* 


Twenty-Five  Cents 


NOTE:  OriginMymbtlBhtd  in  theljgihttgo  Tribune  (;#  Llne-o»-Type-or- 
l^X  J^JTk  ilEK®'*?/  ^^^  '  ^  -^Thfc|i|  T  ni|(n  into  a  printed 
book  and  publlJ^d  lor  the  Boy  Qrafterft  byl^MPirLord.  Evanston.  Ills. 
(Copyright  1901.  by  William  sf  Lord.    Alllrtghts  reserVid.)      T  >?      % 


BCR.T     LEST  ON     TAYLOR'S 

S6e  Bilioustine^ 

EfH)ery  Copy  Tied  tviih  a  Siring  hy  Hand 

*A  TIMELY  A^O  MERITED  SATIRE" 


"Asa  well-aimed  shaft  of  ridicule  there  is  nothing  to  equal 
it.    As  a  piece  of  humor  it  is  a  gem."— i>enver  Republican. 

"The  Fra  McGinnis  of  'The  Bilioustine*  proves  to  be  a  more 
entertaining  character  than  the  original  Fra,  while  his  writings 
are  much  cleverer  and  contain  a  great  deal  more  common  sense 
than  those  of  his  model.  Not  otaly  is  'The  Biliouttine'  a  faithful 
copy  of  the  original  pamphlet  both  in  style  an^  appearance,  but 
in  many  cates  the  imitation  is  an  improvement  upon  the^origin- 
&V— Chicago  Journal. 

"No  reader  can  afford  to  be  without  a  copy  of  'The  Bilious- 
tine."*— CTiicctipo  Post  , 

"One  of  the  best  parodies  perpetrated  in  the  last  twenty 
years."— 5t  Louis  Mirror, 

"There  is  humor  in  every  sentence  of  the  8ati|K."*^£K.  Loii- 
is  Republic.  '  -v 

^toioun  Taper  Bdition^  ^tifenty-JTi^fe  Cents 
Rdiiion  de  Lujee,  limited^  to  2S&  copies, 
bated  and  stenciled  by  hand  (on  approxfal 
if    requested)^     each.     TttfO     7}oilars 


A^ddress.   WILLIAM   S.    h,OVLl^,   Tublisher 
£vQLi\ston»    v*    v»    Illinois 


^he    Philanderers 

Otherwise 

<E6^  Society  of  'She  Boy  Grafters 

An  Association  of  Ci.kvkr  Persons  Who 

Do    Things    on    Watt'eIvIv    Hand-Madb 

Pape:r    and    Do    Peopi^e;   on   Suspicion. 

Fra  McGinnis,  Head  Grafter. 

IRTICLE  xvii.— A  Life  Mem- 
bership in  the  society  of  the 
Boy  Grafters  will  set  you 
back  Twenty-five  Cents,  pay- 
able Every  Little  While.  The 
name  of  the  Honorary  Grafter 
is  entered  in  the  Cash  Book,  and  a  praise  serv- 
ice in  his  name  is  conducted  in  the  Philandery 
by  Saint  Barabbas.  ▼  T  ▼ 

Very  Special:  On  receipt  of  Four  Dollars, 
to  cover  express  charges,  etc.,  the  Boy  Graft- 
ers will  also  send  a  sofa  pillow  stuffed  by  hand 
with  the  Fra's  summer  crop  of  hair,  and  beau- 
tifully decorated  by  Saint  Susie,  the  Illumi- 
nator. Very  Boy-Graftie !  ^  Y 
X 


Free   with   Every   Copy   of 

Zhc  J5tltou6ttne 


Fra  McGinnis' 
Celebretted 
Love    Vibra.tions 


Cure 
Bil- 
ious- 
ness 


j'^IRECTION^ 

I^CE  ifc  TO  ai    I 

§    I   TEA SPOONFUL   | 

I  .  ai  TO  40 

^0  AND  OVER 
^E  HALF   CAN 


If   Shy,   Notify    Your    Newsdeocler 

2 


l^effer»r  jfrom    JTra    McGinnU    to    Major 

JLa^oofif  Manager  of  the  International 

Preachment    Chiffonier 

W^M  Y  DKAR  MAJOR:— Your  letter  of  the  29th  ult.  (ulterior 
■AAl  Diotive)  exhibits  your  characteristic  perspicacity  and 
myi  cosmic  insight.  Yes,  I  will  do  my  preachment  the 
coming  season  under  your  management.  My  price  is 
$300  a  night  and  expenses.  Yours  for  dough, 

The  Philandery,  Sept.  2.  FRA  M'GINNIS 


My  Dear  Major:— Three  hundred  dollars  would  be  high 
for  a  highball,  but  not  for  my  preachment.  I  am  not  charging 
for  the  preachment  alone;  I  am  charging  for  my  goo-goo  eyes, 
my  hair,  and  my  masquerade  clothes.  I  am  the  best  drawing 
card  in  your  deck,  and  you  know  it.  On  second  thought  I  have 
decided  to  soak  you  $400  a  night.  Yours  for  the  main  chance, 

The  Philandery,  Sept.  6.  FRA  M'GINNIS 


My  Dear  Major:— I  am  not  doing  the  preachment  for  my 
health.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  I  shouldn't  do  it  at  all.  If  I  were 
to  remain  in  the  Philandery  back  yard  and  write,  I  could  make 
Carlyle  or  Ruskin  look  like  a  broken  whiffletree  on  a  new  drag. 
I  am  sacrificing  this  opportunity  by  going  out  and  talking  to 
hoi  polloi.  I  couldn't  think  of  doing  it  for  less  than  I500  a 
night.  Better  call  me  this  trip,  or  I'll  raise  you  out  of  the  game. 
Yours  as  before, 

The  Philandery,  Sept.  9.  FRA  M'GINNIS 


My  Dear  Major:— I  return  contract,  signed.  Please  ob- 
serve that  I  reserve  the  right  to  break  it  at  any  time  and  to 
jump  any  and  all  dates  you  may  make  for  me. 

Yours  as  previously, 

The  Philandery,  Sept.  X2.  FRA  M'GINNIS 


The  International  Preachment  Chiffonier 

(Major  JLa^oon^  Manager) 
Offers    for    the    Season    1901.1902 

FRA       McGINNIS 

King,  Queen  (Si  Jack   of  Gr^tfters 

In  HU  JTamou^f  Freachmeni 

The  Boy  Grafters  ©Lnd  Their  Work 

[NOTE:    The  Fra  has  canceled  with  the  Long  Hair  Lyceum 
Bureau^   and   will    appear    only    under    our    management. 1 

TESTIMONIALS 

Teleg^ram  to  Major  Lagoon,  New  York: 

Where  is  Fra  McGinnis?  House  packed.  Wo- 
men in  tears.    Wire  answer. 

WesIvKyan  University. 
Mt.  Pleasant,  la.,  Nov.  20. 

Telegram  to  Major  I^agoon,  New  York: 

Fra  McGinnis  was  to  have  preached  here  to- 
night. Big  house.  Men  fuming.  Where  is  the  cuss? 
Chicago,  Nov..  21.  Union  League  Ci.ub. 

Telegram  to  Major  Lagoon,  New  York: 

Audience  waiting  for  preachment.  Where  is 
Fra  McGinnis?  Women  clamorous  for  him.  Advise 
at  once.  Y.  M.  C.  A. 

La  Crosse,  Wis.,  Nov.  23. 

^'Successful     Everywhere" 

4 


THE    BILIOUSTINE 


STAR-GAZING 
Twinkle^  twinkle,  little  star! 
How  I  wonder  what  you  are^ 
And  how  happy  you  would  be 
Could  you  only  know  of  me! 

Side  Wipes  by  the  Tcuior  at  his  riocK. 


'-..'^i^'.'^: 


)UR  miles  up  the  pike  from 
the  Philandery  is  the  ham- 
let of  Codfish  Corners.  V 
There  is  a  blacksmith  shop, 
a  store  and  a  pump.  '  The 
other  day  I  touched  up  the 
pump  for  a  small  libation 
and  then  took  the  right- 
hand  road,  went  up  the  hill,  passed  the  school- 
house,  took  the  first  turn  to  the  left,  crossed  a 
bridge,  and  came  to  a  farm  that  consisted 
mainly  of  weeds.  Weeds  were  everywhere. 
VA  man  lay  in  the  shade  by  the  roadside, 
pulling  on  a  briar  pipe.  I  accosted  him  as  is 
my  wont.  Y  ▼ 

V  **Work,''  said  I,  *'is  for  the  worker.''       ▼ 

V  *'You  can't  work  me,  Fra,"  said  the  man, 
''I'm  onto  you."         ▼  Y 

Y  ''Explain  yourself,"  said  I.  y 

Y  "With  pleasure,"   said  he,  and  he  ran  a 
straw  through  the  stem  of  his  pipe.  '^  "In  the 


THE  first  place,**  he  went  on,  *'I  do  not  feel  called 
BILIOUS-  ^po^  to  admire  a  book  because  Farmer  Jim- 
TINE  ^^^'^  daughter,  who  doesn't  belong  to  the 
Binders'  Union,  hand-stitched  it  with  her  nut- 
brown  hands,  or  because  Saint  Clarence,  whose 
halo  doesn't  fit  him,  hand- tooled  the  tail-piece 
and  initial  letter.  Then,  again,  I  am  always 
leery  of  men  that  wear  long  hair  in  a  short- 
hair  age:  I  always  think  of  a  circus;  I  seem  to 
hear  a  voice  crying  in  the  wilderness:  *  Remain 
seated,  ladies  and  gentlemen!  After  the  regu- 
lar performance,  there  will  be  a  grand  sacred 
concert.'  Besides  your  remark,  that  'Work 
is  for  the  worker,*  strikes  me  as  a  common- 
place." V  ▼ 
V  For  the  proprietor  of  so  weedy  a  farm,  the 
fellow  talked  very  well.  Y 
yf  I  returned  an  ironical  bow.  *'You  have  a 
great  deal  of  culture,  I  perceive,"  said  I,  "but 
it  runs  mostly  to  weeds.  I  shall  not  quarrel 
with  you  on  that  score,  however;  nor  shall  I 
discover  toward  your  impertinent  allusion  to 
my  hair,  aught  save  quiet  scorn;  but  I  must 
protest  against  your  statement  that  my  epi- 
gram, *Work  is  for  the  worker,'  is  a  common- 
place. So  far  is  that  from  being  true  that  the 
idea  it  voices  is  revolutionary.  Barring  the 
Philandery  Push,  everybody  regards  work  as 
a  somewhat  that  cannot  be  avoided,  rather 


than  a  somewhat  to  be  welcomed.    The  popu-  THE 

lar  conception  of  Heaven  is  a  place  where  BILIOUS- 

there  is  nothing  doing/'  Y  ▼TINE 

▼  * 'That's  my  conception/'  said  the  man, 
rising  and  yawning.  Y 

Y  *%et  us  compromise,"  said  I.  *Xoaf  onthe 
other  shore,  if  you  will,  but  work  on  this. 
Here,  look  at  these  weeds!"  Y 

Y  * 'I  don't  want  to,"  said  the  man,  **they're 
depressing."  Y  Y 

▼  *'Come,  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do,"  I  offered. 
**I'll  help  you  to  clean  up  your  farm  and  ad- 
vertise myself  at  the  same  time.  Y  Pull  up 
these  weeds  and  cart  them  to  the  Philandery. 
I'll  give  you  twenty-five  cents  a  ton  for  them, 
dried."         Y  ▼ 

Y  **Much  obliged,"  said  the  man,  dryly,  get- 
ting upon  a  bicycle  that  I  had  not  noticed; 
**but  you  see,  you  cheerful  lunatic,  the  farm 
doesn't  belong  to  me;  and,  besides,  I  can  make 
more  money  tending  bar."  y  Saying  which 
he  piked  lightly  away.  y 

Y  Full  of  thought,  I  recrossed  the  bridge, 
took  the  first  turn  to  the  right,  passed  the 
school-house,  went  down  the  hill,  touched  up 
the  pump  for  another  libation,  and  proceeded 
to  the  Philandery.  ^  ▼ 

TRY  A  BXLIOUaTINE.     :;     ;:     *' ONE  GIVES  BELIEF:* 


THE 
BILIOUS- 
TINE 


OT  long  ago,  while  I  was  doing  my 
celebrated  preachment — I  have  but 
one — in  a  certain  town,  I  was  sud- 
denly interrupted  at  the  last  comma 
of  the  eighty-second  sentence.  I  am 
certain  of  the  place,  because  I  have  done  this 
preachment  so  many,  many  times,  never  vary- 
ing it  by  so  much  as  a  hair,  that  its  commas, 
semi-colons,  dashes,  and  other  points  of  inter- 
est are  become  as  familiar  to  me  as  my  under- 
wear. Y  ▼ 

V  To  illustrate:  Upon  another  occasion,  in 
Colorado,  the  audience  ran  out  to  extinguish 
a  blazing  haystack,  and  those  of  them  that 
came  back  did  not  return  for  three-quarters  of 
an  hour.  When  about  to  resume  the  thread 
of  my  preachment,  I  inquired  of  the  chairman 
as  to  where  I  had  left  off.  v  * 'Your  last  word, 
I  believe,''  said  he,  *'was  Hhe.'  "^''Ah,  yes," 
said  I;  **the  beginning  of  the  forty-ninth  sen- 
tence.'^    And  I  proceeded.  v         ▼ 

▼  The  interruption  that  I  started  out  to  tell 
about  was  a  woman's  eyes.  ▼ 

V  They  were  looking  into  mine.  Y 

V  It  was  but  an  instant — ere  one  could  say, 
*  *It  lightens. ' '  But  when  soul  embraces  soul, 
and  whispers  tete-a-tete,  a  second  is  eternity, 
y  I  rather  fancy  the  turn  of  that  sentence, 
especially  the  image  of  soul  embracing  soul. 


Y  It  was  a  new  one  on  me — the  woman's  face  THE 

— and  a  rather  old  one  on  her.   She  was  thirty-  BILIOUS- 
seven — perhaps  a  month  worse  than  that;  but  'rypjg 
her  eyes  were  moist  with  intelligence.     They 
were  not  goo-goo.     They  said,  as  plainly  as 
eyes  could  say  it:     **Fra,  old  chap,    I*m  onto 
your  curves.**  ^  Y 

Y  She  was  not  without  curves  herself,  and  I 
longed  to  know  her  first  name,  that  I  might 
call  her  by  it.  But  something  told  me  that  I 
should  never  see  her  again.  And  so  we  spoke 
each  other  by  our  lamps  alone,  like  cabs  that 
pass  in  the  night.  Yet  she  will  never  be  the 
same  woman  again.  She  will  grow  older;  the 
parting  of  her  hair  will  gradually  spread;  some 
day  she  may  wear  a  wig.  y 

y  The  incident  affected  me  into  a  sweet  mel- 
ancholy. **I  wonder,**  I  meditated,  after  the 
preachment  was  done  and  the  audience  had 
departed,    **I  wonder  what  her  first  name  is.'* 

Y  A  hand  touched  my  shoulder.  It  was  the 
janitor.  **I'm  thinking  of  putting  out  the 
lights,**  he  said.        ▼  ▼ 

GET  THE  BILIOUSTINE,  Almost  EVERYBODY  READS  IT 

FRA      McGINNIS'     LOVE     VIBRATIONS     STOP     FAIN 
9 


THE 
BILIOUS- 
TINE 


m 


HAT  a  world  this 
How   large  it  is! 
small!        Y 
Y  Ofttimes,    when 


is,  sweetheart! 
And  yet  how 

▼ 
the  day's  Phil- 


andering is  done,  and  the  farmers 
have  gone  to  their  homes,  I  admire  to  sit  on 
the  Philandery  fence  and  watch  Orion  with  his 
pack  come  riding  up  the  sky.  y 

Y  Isn't  it  fine,  sweetheart,  to  sit  on  the  fence 
and  have  thoughts  like  these.  Y 

Y I  reckon.  ^  T 

Y  Yonder,  ever  yonder,  is  the  universe;  star 
after  star;  world  without  end.  y 

Y  Yet  here  I  am,  sweetheart!  y 
y  And  there  you  are!                Y 


WOOL-GATHERING 
1  sometimes— so  immersed  am  1 

In  problems  of  the  race  — 
Forget  to  take  my  glasses  off 

Before  I  wash  my  face. 


ANY  NUMBER  OF  THE  BILIOUSTINE 
WILL  BE  REPRINTED— ON  SUSPICION 

10 


L,iiile  Lt-der  Tills 

ON'T  keep  a  good  story  to  yourself 
because  it  is  fifty  years  old.  Some 
people  may  not  have  heard  it. 
^  If  we  do  not  love  our  work,  our 
work  will  not  love  us.  Let  us  al- 
ways love  our  work.  ▼ 

Y  The  Fra  is  ever  pleased  to  send  some  of  his 
hair  to  the  female  elect  on  suspicion. 

y  The  work  of  the  Olympian  gods  was  all 
handwork.  The  bolt  Jove  hurled  at  Phaeton 
was  hand- fashioned  in  the  Philandery  of  Vul- 
can. Y  yf 
y  Work  and  love!  Love  and  work!  How 
can  you  beat  it?                 yf 

Y  Never  do  anything  until  you  are  sure  that 
your  Mental  Attitude  is  on  straight.  v 

Y  Consider  the  average  baker.  Every  loaf  of 
bread  he  bakes  is  like  the  next.  There  is  no 
originality,  no  expression.  What  a  life!  Heav- 
ens! what  a  life! 


THE 

BDLIOUS- 

TESTE 


PEOPLE  WHO  CANNOT  UNDERSTAND  THE  BILIOUS- 
TINE  WOULD  BETTER  NOT  TRY, 


11 


THE  LITTLE    JOURNEYS     TO     THE 
BILIOUS-   HOMES  OF  FAMOUS  CON-POSERS 


TDSTE 


"^he  'Philandery  'RcVUited 

[As  written  by  Poeta  Knickerbocker  (nee  Pants),  the  initial  being 
designed,  in  a  dream,  by  Saint  Mayme,  and  the  whole  licked  in- 
to proper  shape  by  the  Boy  Grafters  at  their  Philandery,  which 
is  in  Ea^t  Aurora,  Illinois,  in  the  month  of  September^  in  the 
year  MCMI.,  A.  D.'\ 

HEN  Tasked  for  Fra  McGinnis  at  the 
Philandery  (Sindbad  the  Buzz-Saw 
I  calls  it  the  *Tanhandlery.''  He  is  a 
I  queer  person — as  queer  as  the  Fra, 
only  in  a  different  way),  I  was  told 
that  the  Fra  was  in  his  study.  The  study,  I 
learned,  was  the  Philandery  back  yard,  and  I 
found  the  Fra  sitting  on  the  fence.  He  paid  no 
attention  to  me.  After  awhile  the  silence  be- 
came embarrassing. 

Y  *'I  wonder  why  he  sits  on  the  fence?*'  I 
thought.  ▼ 

Y  "To  be  eccentric,*'  said  the  Fra. 

Y  I  started.  *'You  must  be  a  mind- reader!'*  I 
exclaimed.     "^ 

Y  * 'Everybody  wonders  that,'*  said  he,  run- 
ning his  fingers  through  his  mop  of  hair. 

Y  *'How  do  you  do?'*  I  inquired,  timidly. 

Y  *  *Fairly  well, ' '  he  replied.  *  *My  receipts  fell 
off  during  July  and  August,  but,  then,  nobody 

12 


buys  books  or  goes  to  lectures  in  summer.**  THE 

Y  "I  meant,  are  you  well?"  I  said.  y  BILIOUS- 
y  *'01i,  I'm  always  well,'  *  he  said.  *'I'm  at  the  TINE 
soup  before  the  dinner  bell  is  done  ringing. 

It's  all  Mental  Attitude.  Now  I*m  never  off 
my   feed,  because  my  Mental  Attitude *' 

Y  At  this  point  the  Fra  fell  off  the  fence,  and 
I  ran  to  help  him  up.  "I  hope  you  didn't  hurt 
yourself,' '  I  said.  He  had  landed  on  his  head. 

Y  "I  observe  by  the  V,"  he  replied,  "that  you 
wear  one  of  those  new  fangled  corsets."  y 
y  Before  I  could  recover  from  my  confusion 
he  had  taken  my  hand.  ▼  ▼  ▼ 
y  *' Wouldn't  you  better  sit  on  the  fence  again," 
I  said,  nervously.                                   y 

y  **No,"  he  said;  **I  have  been  holding  down 
that  fence  since  grub- time.     I'd  like  to  hold 
your  hand  for  a  change."         y 
y  "But  I'm  married  now,"  I  said,  getting  more 
and  more  confused.  y  y 

y  *'That  doesn't  matter,"  he  said.  "Ten 
chances  to  none  he  is  not  your  affinity."  y 
y ''But  I  think  he  is."  y 
y  ''That's  it:  you  think  he  is;  you  don't  know. 
If  he  were  your  affinity,  you  would  know.  Sit 
down  on  this  box,  Poeta.  I  am  going  to  talk 
to  you  about  Love."  y  y 

y  "Please  don't,"  I  begged,  and  tried  to  re- 
lease my  hand. 

13 


THE  V  *Xove,    Poeta/'     said  the    Fra,    **means 
BILIOUS-  many  things  for  many  people.     Here  are  a 
TINE  ^^^  ^^  ^^^  reasons:  y 

V  *Xove  for  conjugation. 

'%ove  for  tumultuation.  Y 

**Love  for  subjugation.        y 

*Xove  for  beatification.  ^ 

*Xove  for  hallucination. 

*%ove  for  domination. 

*  *Love  for  publi '  *        y 

▼  **You  are  squeezing  my  hand/'  I  cried. 
**Don't  interrupt  me,''  said  the  Fra.    *'I  have 
forty  more  reasons."  y 

▼  "If  you  please,  I'd  rather  talk  about  some- 
thing else,"  I  said. 

▼  **Very  well;  let  us  talk  about  Work,'^  he 
said.     '  *  Work  is  the  next  best  thing  to  Love.' ' 

**I'm  afraid  I  don't  think  that  way,"  I  said 
with  a  sigh.  ▼ 

▼  *  'Because,  perhaps,  you  have  not  found  your 
Work,  or  your  Work  has  not  found  you." 

▼  **But  I  don't  have  to  work  now;  I'm  mar- 
ried, ' '  I  reminded  him.  y 

**I  do  not  mean  drudgery — machine  work," 
he  said.  *'I  mean  Hand  Work.  Do  things  by 
hand — open  a  hand  laundry;  run  a  hand-car. 
You  might  at  least  do  a  handspring.  Come, 
let  me  see  you  do  a  handspring." 

▼  **I'd  rather  not,"  I  said  nervously.  ▼ 

14 


▼  '*Oh,  very  well/'  he  said  wearily,  and  re-  THE 
sumed  his  seat  on  the  fence.  Y  BILIOUS- 

Y  **I  think  I  would  better  be  going  now/'    I  flNE 
said.     **Thank  you  so  much  for  your  talk. 

I've  enjoyed  my  visit  so  much." 

Y  ** Would  you  like  some  of  my  hair?*'  asked 
the  Fra.  ▼ 

Y  * 'Thank  you — you  gave  me  a  lock  when  I 
was  here  before."  ▼ 

Y  *'Take  some  more,'*  he  said,  chopping  off  a 
handful  and  throwing  it  down  to  me.  **I  have 
more  hair  than  I  can  comb.  Farewell ! "         Y 

▼  With  which  he  stared  fixedly  skyward, 
and,  thanking  him  again,  I  tripped  lightly 
away.  y         PoiieTA  Knicke;rbock^r 


{And  so  endeth  the  Little  Journey^  as  written  by  Poeta  Knicker- 
bocker {nee  Pants),  the  tailpiece  being  designed  by  that  skilled 
and  worthy  Boy  Or  after  ^  Saint  Buncombe ;  the  text  done  into  ten 
point  Old  Styleby  Oold  Cure  Oeorge,  Reformed  Boy  Orafter;  and 
the  rest  of  the  job  being  duly  and  properly  attended  to  by  divers 
and  sundry  other  Boy  Grafters— at  the  PhilaTvdery,  which,  as 
previously  noted,  is  in  East  Aurora,,  Illinois,  U.  S.  A.,  in  the 
month  of  September,  in  the  year  MCMI.,  A.  D.^ 


THE  BILIOUSTINE  IS  FOB  KNOCKERS.     EVERY  BOOST 
18  A  KNOCK. 

15 


YHE  WEARINESS 

^  jj  T/^T  TQ  I  am  so  weary  in  the  mom— 
oll^lvJUd-*  Too  weary  clothes  to  don. 

I^TTVT'C  ^  wish  the  citstom  were  to  pull 
i  IIN  H  Them  off^  instead  of  on, 

Mr.    7>ubbe'^  JLtttte  Journey 

[As  done  into  '"''copy*''  by  Mr.  Criticun  Flub-Dubbe,  the  initial 
letter  being  hand-tooled  by  Saint  Sinceridad,  and  the  whole  done 
into  a  lovely  thing  by  the  Boy  Grafters^  at  their  Philandery^etc.'i 

**Pt|  F  you'll  come  down  oiBf  that  fence,  Mr. 
^1  ■  McGinnis,  Til  talk  to  you/*  said  1.'* 
^1  I  And  not  without  impatience;  for  I  had 
\  In  been  idling  in  the  Philandery  back  yard 
^  Baa!  five  minutes  or  more,  waiting  for  the 
Fra  to  recognize  me.  My  impatient  utterance 
evoked  a  response.  Y 

Y  **Why,  hello,  Dubbe?"  said  he,  in  simulat- 
ed surprise.  *'How  did  you  blow  in?  I  told 
them  to  keep  the  Philandery  door  closed." 

Y  *  'You  are  impertinent,  *'  I  answered  warmly. 
'^  "So  are  you,''  he  rejoined.  **My  name  is 
*Fra'  McGinnis — not  *Mister'  McGinnis." 

Y  ** Mister  is  good  enough  for  me,"  I  said 
stiffly.  *  *One  of  the  things  I  came  here  to  talk 
with  you  about  is  this  *Fra'  nonsense."         ▼ 

Y  *  *  You  selected  an  unfortunate  time  to  butt 
in,"  said  he.  *'I  was  in  the  throes  of  compo- 
sition; one  of  the  best  things  I've  done.  Listen: 

16 


** I  wish  the  law  of  gravity  .  THE 

Would  work  the  other  way  ;  "^ 

F(yr  then  when  I  fell  off  the  fence "  BILIOUS- 

^  *  'Well?' '  said  I,  interested  in  spite  of  myself.  TINE 
^  ^'That's  where  you  interrupted  me/' 

Y  **I'm  extremely  sorry."  y 

Y  **Tliat  won't  finish  the  quatrain.  What 
do  you  think  of  it  as  far  as  it  goes.' 

Y  *'It  lacks  convincingosity/'  said  I.  **For, 
you  see,  if  the  law  of  gravity  worked  the 
other  way,  you  wouldn't  fall  off  the  fence." 

Y  * 'Certainly  I  should,"  he  replied,  *'only 
instead  of  falling  down,  I  should  fall  up." 

Y  ''Can  one  fall  up?"  ▼ 

Y  "J^st  as  easily  as  two.  People  fall  upstairs." 

Y  ^'That's  a  quibble."  ▼ 

y  "So  is  a  hen."  V 

Y  *'I'm  afraid  we're  wandering  from  the  sub- 
ject," said  I. 

▼  "Well,  let's  get  back  to  it.  What  rhymes 
with  'way'?"  ▼ 

Y  *  *  Hay — play — recherche . ' ' 

Y  **They  won't  do,"  said  he,  after  a  little  re- 
flection.   *  'Hold  on! — I  have  it! — 

"I  wish  the  law  of  gravity 
Wovld  work  the  other  way ; 
For  then  when  I  fell  off  the  fence^ 
Vdpush  the  clouds  away.** 

▼  "That  won't  do,  either,"  I  objected.  "You 
make  the  syllable  'way'  do  double  service." 

17 


THE  ▼  ''That^s  true/^  said  he.  "How  do  you  like: 

ijiL>l\J U  O-  ''/n  cloudland  I  would  stray  ?*'' 

TINE  ^  "Weak,"  I  replied.    "The  other  is  better.'' 

Y  ''Nevermind/'  said  he;  ''I'll  think  of  it 
by  and ' '  ^ 

Y  He  finished  the  sentence  by  falling  off  the 
fence  on  his  head.     I  assisted  him  to  rise. 

Y  "Third  time  to-day,"  he  remarked,  rubbing 
his  head. 

Y  "Why  the  devil  do  you  perch  on  such  a 
high  fence?"  said  I.  Y 

Y  "For  the  same  reason  that  Teufelsdrockh 
lived  in  an  attic  in  Weissnichtwo — to  be  alone 
with  the  Stars." 

Y  * 'Then,"  said  I,  "I  would  suggest  some 
such  contrivance  as  window  washers  wear; 
else  some  fine  day,  you'll  crack  your  crown." 
▼  "That's  it!"  cried  the  Fra.  "That's  the 
very  idea  I  have  been  groping  for!  Listen  now: 

^^ I  wish  the  law  of  gravity 

Worked  up  instead  of  down: 

For  then  when  I  fell  off  the  fence^ 

I  shouldn't  crack  my  crown" 

Y  *'Now  that  that's  off  your  mind,"  said  I, 
"answer  me  a  plain  question:  What  is  the 
explanation  of  the  insufferable  rot  with  which 
you  afflict  the  public,  under  the  name  'Th^' 
Biuoustine;'?"  ▼ 

IB 


y  *'What/'    lie  returned,    **was  the  explana-  THE 
tion  of  Barnum's  circus?'  *  BILIOUS- 

y  "Barnum  said  the  people  liked  to  be  hum-  Yipjj; 
bugged,"  said  I. 

Y  *'It  looks  like  rain,"  said  the  Fra,  gazing 
skyward.  Criticus  Fi,ub-Dubbk 


[So  here  endeth  the  Little  Journey^  as  'written  by  hand  by  Mr, 
Criticus  Flub-Dubbe ;  the  tail-piece  being  hand-painted  by  Saint 
Sally  of  the  Philandery  Alley,  the  paper  cut  by  hand  by  Sindbad 
the  Buzz-Saw;  the  ink  mixed  by  Saint  Johnny  the  Devil;  the 
proof  pulled  by  Saint  Jimmy  the  Dope  Fiends  and  read  by  Lar- 
ry the  Lynx-Eyed ;  the  page  closed  by  Daniel  the  Foreman^  and 
stereotyped  by  Simon  the  Shirtless ;  and  the  press  fed  by  Saint 
Phillip  the  Prof ane ;— all  of  which.,  Fra  McGinnis  here  certifies^ 
was  done  at  the  Philandery ^  in  the  month  of  September^  and  the 
year  MCML,  A.  D.] 


GRAPE  DREAMS 

I  wish  that  I  could  always  tell 
Which  horse  would  finish  first : 

For  Pd  be  able  then  to  quench 
A  most  expensive  thirst, 

19 


THE 

BILIOUS- 

TINE 


^riicle^  of  Faiih 


believe;  in  Era  McGinnis.     I  be- 
lieve he  is  hot  stuff.  y 
▼  I  believe  in  the  Body  Beautiful, 
and  the  Saturday  night  bath.  y^ 
^  I  believe  that  the  love  of  man  for 
woman  is  a  good  thing,  and  fully  equal  to  the 
love  of  woman  for  man.                       ^ 
y  I  believe  in  Watt* ell  paper  and  Japan  vel- 
lum, in  long  hair  and  hand-painted  initials. 
I  believe  they  are  good  for  the  race. 
▼  I  believe  that  Walt  Whitman  was  a  good 
hobo,  and  that  Henry  Thoreau  knew  beans. 

V  I  believe  that  the  best  way  to  prepare  for  a 
Future  Life  is  to  get  born,  and  to  finish  Mon- 
day before  beginning  Tuesday.  y 

V  I  believe  that  Knock  is  as  necessary  to  the 
universe  as  Boost.  y 

^  I  believe  that  I  am  here  today  and  may  be 
gone  tomorrow.    Such  things  have  happened. 

V  I  believe  that  I  may  believe  something  en- 
tirely different  next  week,  if  I  happen  to  take 
a  notion.  y 

[Sign  here] 

[Witness] 

20 


To  Lovers  and  Book  Lovers: 


HE  LUXURY  EDITION  of  the 
I  B11.10USTINB  No.  I  is  the  Swell- 
est  Thing  that  the  Boy  Grafters 
have  as  yet  turned  out  of  the 
Philandery;  and  that  leaves  noth- 
ing to  be  said,  still  less  to  be  desired.  ^  It  is 
the  Jumping-Off  Place  in  Book-Doing,  the  Ne 
Plus  Ultra  of  the  E  Pluribus  Unum.  This 
remarkable  book  has  about  it  the  delicate  per- 
fume of  the  Ideal,  the  elusive  flavor  of  the 
Missal.  Saints  and  Saintesses  have  reverently 
handled  it,  page  by  page  and  part  by  part.  Y 

By  saintly  hands  the  press  was  fed; 
By  home-made  rolls  the  ink  was  spread. 

The  press,  even,  was  trod  by  hand.  And 
always  with  the  Ideal  in  sight,  or  just  around 
the  Philandery  fence.  ^  ▼ 


Carefully  impressed  upon  hand-laundered ^  Watt* ell  paper; 
hound  in  Burlap  specially  imported  from  Burlapia;  and 
stenciled  by  the  cunning  hand  ofSaintess  Genevieve,  If  s  a  peach 


••Generously     Good'* 

21 


AFFINITIES  \r ANTED— MALE. 

affinity;  mnst  be  born  in  the  Water  domain. 
Am  24  years  old,  bom  under  the  beginning  of  the 
sign  Scorpio,  with  the  moon  in  the  ascendant, 
Oct.  80,  10  p.  m.,  Eastern  time.  Pretty  and  ac- 
complished; no  love  affairs.  Addreu  Ariadne, 
care  the  Philandery. 

AFFINITY  WANTED  BY  LADY  UNHAPPILY 
married,  who  has  applied  for  a  divorce;  one 
born  in  Aqnarins  preferred.  Am  45  years  old,bnt 
well  preserved,  thanks  to  the  influence  of  Venus 
in  conjunction  with  Mars  and  the  ascendancy  of 
the  moon  in  the  fifteenth  aspect.  Born  Feb.  14, 
midnight,  Rocky  Mountain  time;  blue  eyes  ana 
golden  hair.  Fond  of  Maeterlinck.  Address 
Mismated,  care  the  Philandery. 

AFFINITY  WANTED;  MUST  BE  BORN  IN 
the  sign  Taurus  and  soul  key  of  F  sharp,  on  or 
about  April  30.  Am  18  years  old  and  very  beauti- 
ful, and  capable  of  in  tensest  love.  Do  not  care 
for  books  and  music;  fond  of  good  eating,  thea- 
tres and  other  pleasures.  Address,  Alice,  care  the 
Philandery. 

FIRE  DOMAIN  AFFINITY  WANTED  BY 
handsome  young  widow,  who  never  had  one.  Am 
32  years  old,  born  in  the  sign  Sagittarius,  Dec.  10, 
3:30  a.  m.,  central  time,  with  Venus  in  conjunc- 
tion with  Jupiter  and  Saturn  in  his  second  house. 
Dark  complexion,  eyes  and  hair;  vivacious  and 
lovinff.  Favorite  poet,  Ella  Wheeler  Wilcox; 
favorite  composer,  Sousa.  Address  Ardenta,  care 
the  Philandery. 

THE  BOY  GRAFTERS  ARE  ALWAYS  PRE- 
PARED    TO     DO     YOU     ON    SUSPICION. 


AFFINITIES   \r ANTED  —  FEMAIiE. 

seeks  affinity  born  in  Earth  domain.  Am  short 
and  inclined  to  stoutness,  dark  eyes  and  hair;  of 
a  lively  disposition,  and  fond  of  a  good  time. 
Wonld  prefer  an  affinity  born  in  sign  Virgo;  if 
not  Virgo,  Capricorn  may  do.  Address  Cosmic, 
the  Philandery. 

WEALTHY  WIDOWER,  45,  WOULD  LIKE 
to  meet  affinity;  object^  mental  embrace.  Born 
in  sign  Libra;  eas^^-gomg  disposition;  fond  of 
masic,  books^  painting,  and  other  mental  things; 
strong  cosmic  insight.  Address  Scholar,  the 
Philandery. 

ONE  OR  MORE  AFFINITIES  WANTED  BY 
bachelor  of  40;  clnbman^  wealthy  and  amiable. 
Any  old  zodiacal  sign  will  do;  bat  affinity  must 
be  handsome  and  good  form.  State  age  and  pre- 
vious entanglements,  if  any.  All  correspondence 
strictly  confidential.  Address  Hotbyrd  Coldbot- 
tle,  the  Philandery . 

HOROSCOPES  CAST  WHILE  YOU  WAIT. 
Affinities  located  and  umbrellas  recovered.  Point- 
ers on  bad  days  and  good.  Tells  when  to  go  on 
a  journey.  Tips  on  training  children.  Know 
thyself  Address  Zeno,  Astrologer,  care  the  Phi- 
landery. 


23 


VEFLY    SPECIAL! 


It 


pOLI^OWING  the  example  of  their  beloved 
pastor,  Fra  McGinnis,  the  entire  Philandery 
flock  will  take  to  the  lecture  platform  this 
winter,  and  spread  throughout  the  land,  the  gospel 
of  L/Ove  and  Work.  The  following  choice  preach- 
ments are  now  ready: 

••Love  for  Love's  Sake;  A  New  Proposition," 

by  Saintess  Mayme.  This  young  lady  was  former- 
ly typewritist  to  Fra  McGinnis,  and  is  thoroughly 
in  touch  with  his  ideas.  Terms:  Fifty  dollars  a 
night  and  expenses. 

••Work  for  Work's  Sake;  The  New  Religion/' 
by  Saint  Sinceridad.  Weak  men  made  strong. 
Strong  men  made  stronger.  Why  punch  a  bag? 
Terms:  Fifty  dollars  a  night  and  expenses. 
••Cosmic  Love;  A  Key  to  the  Universe,"  by 
Saintess  Sally  (of  the  Philandery  Alley).  A  little 
dissertation  on  the  re-enfranchisement  of  woman. 
Very  hopeful  and  uplifting.  Terms:  Forty  dollars 
a  night  and  expenses. 

••How  I  Wcls  SaLved,*'  by  Gold  Cure  George,  Re- 
formed Boy  Grafter.  In  which  this  now  strong  and 
worthy  young  man  tells  the  story  of  how,  by  the 
merest  chance,  he  visited  the  Philandery,  was  given 
hand-work,  and  exchanged  a  life  of  sin  for  one  of 
virtue.    Terms:  Forty  dollars  a  night  and  expenses. 

Fifty-Seven    Varieties! 

^^ddress  all  communications  to  Sindbad 
the  'Buzs^Satv^     ^      ^     ^he  Thilandery 

U 


■w 


THE 
VOL 


SECOND 
U  M  E     O.F 


N  Q  O  N 


begins  with  the  November,  1901,  number,  in  which 
is  presented,  in  attractive  form,  Montaigne's  essay 

OF  FRIENDSHIP 

Choice  selections,  prose  and  verse,  will  follow  dur- 
ing the  year,  and  n^^k^  a>.  unique' atid  valuable 
volume.  The  subscription  price  will  reniain  one 
dollar  for  the  year,  twelve  numbel^.  AU.  hew  §ub"  . 
scribers  may  ^ve,  free  for^  the  asking,  such  num- 
bers of  Volume  I.  (see  ad.  on  anotbsi  page)  as 
remain  on  hand.  A  few  copies  iof  Volume  I. , 
bound    neatly,  V    are     of^ed    .at    $i'^0    eack 


ADDRIS^  WILLIAM    S«    LORD,  PUStlSHEiS 

E  V  #  N  S  T  O  N,    I  L  L  I  N  O  I  S     ') 


% 

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